Page 39 - March2014

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MARCH 2014 -
I know how to ask for it.I’ve given up doing the “get-
ting warmer” noises in favour of specific instructions
(delivered gently, mind you), which is a terrific relief
all round.
Similarly, at this age you can be totally honest during
sex, as in, “You’re joking, I can’t bend over there,”
and “Don’t make me do that, I’ve eaten too much,” or
“Whoops. I think I might have dropped off then.”
In general, I say what I’m thinking in the bedroom.
For example, “Do we actually have to, I am so tired?
Shall we make time tomorrow instead and do it with-
out fail?”
If you were young and impressionable you might think
that this was unromantic, but it’s actually fantastic.
When people talk about honesty in the relationship,
this is definitely what they mean.
I can laugh about it when I get cramp/get stuck etc.
Obviously I always laughed about it… but now there
isn’t that teeny frisson of self-doubt lurking in the
background, and the mild suspicion that he might be
thinking, “Yikes, she’s a bit clumsy/heavy/unfit.”
After the age of 40 you are just more self-possessed.
This gives you the aura of a woman with hidden
depths rather than a callow girl who doesn’t yet know
who she really is – which, in turn, intrigues men and
makes them work harder.
Women get increasingly open about sex – girlfriends
who have never so much as mentioned it before will say,
“But have you tried the Jolly Roger from Ann Sum-
mers? You really should. But not on top speed.”
I don’t need to analyse it. When you’re over 40 you
realise sex is sex and, quite often, it is just for sex’s sake
and means absolutely nothing. Just as having a couple
of nights off doesn’t mean he no longer loves you.
The chances are that he’s roughly your age, and that
means he’s: a) More experienced; b) Genuinely likes
women or he would be sleeping with a 28-year-old, and
c) He’s taking life a little bit slower. All of which are
good for sex.
I don’t need to talk afterwards to feel reassured. Fre-
quently, I’d rather not chat afterwards, and I don’t need
to speak before.
I tend to go to bed a bit earlier so, sometimes, you can
be having sex before midnight and be relatively sober.
This is unheard of in your youth and throughout most
of your thirties – and sex is definitely better without
room spin.
You can play the ingénue or Mrs Robinson-type after
40. Your options are broader. I think I’m more attrac-
tive than I was ten years ago. This may be to do with
losing my insecurities, but it’s also about things that
have come together in my life.
by Shane Watson
Reasons why sex is better over 40