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sue. If it’s simply a matter of feeling
he does it too much or that he does it
when you’re around and feel he should
be using that time to have sex with
you, if he loves and respects you, that
should be an easy enough issue for the
two of you to come to a compromise
on. Convincing him to stop completely
would be much more difficult, and
may even be sexually unhealthy for
him, especially if he has no history of
actual infidelity.
I would say that above all else, you
should explore both on your own and
conversationally with your husband
why it is that his watching porn makes
you feel so “inadequate”. Yes, the
women are beautiful, but most men are
smart enough to know that porn is very
produced and “fake” on some level,
and so you shouldn’t feel as though
your husband expects you to be what
he sees in porn. You are the woman he
truly loves, which is why he married
you and not an adult actress. When
speaking to him about the issue, ask
your husband questions, without being
too interrogative, about what he likes
about porn, what kind of porn he likes,
why he needs it to masturbate, if it
means he feel dissatisfied sexually or
not, and really listen to his answers.
We often like to pretend that sex is
a “separate” part of ourselves and
that it is unemotional and even
less important than the rest of our-
selves, but the truth is that in order to
be healthy people, most of us need to
feel sexually healthy as well, and for
some people, watching porn is a harm-
less, fantasy-based part of that.
Let me be clear: you should never
have to compromise your own feelings
on a situation to a point where it is
causing you excessive stress. If it starts
seeming like an unmanageable porn
addiction that cuts into your own sex
life, or that the subject matter of the
porn is clearly illegal or too disturb-
ing, you have every right to tell your
husband that if he loves you, for a
period of time, the porn has to go until
he can get it back to a healthy level.
But sex and self-love are
important, so if this is
something that is
important to your
husband, and
he’s not actu-
ally being
unfaith-
ful,
you
may have to try to find a way to com-
promise somewhat. I am confident that
with a little honesty and negotiation,
this is an issue that you and your hus-
band can resolve together. It may take
work and negotiation on both of your
parts, but it can be done.
All the best to you both,
Caitlin
It takes me about 30 minutes to cli-
max during sex. Is there anything I
can do to help speed up the process?
Michel Gutierrez
Hi Michel,
First, you may want to consider how
often you masturbate, and how
soon before sex you mas-
turbate. This, of course, is
bound to slow down the
process, as you’ve already
had a “release”. I would
also like to ask if this
is a consistent issue in
your sex life, or if it has
become an issue with
a specific partner or
during a particularly
stressful point in your
life? If it’s a new
partner, it could be
a matter of simply
getting comfortable,
and “letting” it hap-
pen. If it’s a partner
with