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We live in a sexual cul-
ture overwhelmingly focused
on intercourse. Sex in books,
movies, and on TV is dominated
by the old in-and-out. To many
Americans “sex,” means inter-
course.
But for many lovers, sex that
revolves around intercourse is
problematic:
• Only about 25 percent of
women are consistently orgas-
mic from it. If you doubt this
statistic, see the exhaustive
discussion in The Case of the
Female Orgasm by Elizabeth
Lloyd (Harvard University Press,
2005). Intercourse simply does
not provide enough direct
clitoral stimulation to allow most
women to come.
• In addition, some women nev-
er produce much vaginal lubri-
cation, which can make inter-
course uncomfortable even with
a lubricant. Then, starting soon
after 40, as women begin the
long transition to menopause,
many more develop vaginal dry-
ness that lube may not resolve,
and eventually, the vaginal wall
thins (vaginal atrophy), which
can mean pain on intercourse.
• Meanwhile, after 40, many
men’s erections become iffy,
which can interfere with inter-
course. As men age, an increas-
ing proportion suffer balky erec-
tions. And then there’s erectile
dysfunction. Viagra and the
other erection drugs usually
help, but not always. For around
30 percent of men, they don’t
Vaginal intercourse is not necessary for peak erotic pleasure or orgasm.